Merdé most foul

It doesn't matter if you are pro-war or antiwar, there's a very fashionable opinion going on. And if you are anybody who is anybody you've GOT to be bashing the French right now. It's de rigueur.

Work this out. We're about to go steaming into a scrap with a delusional dictator who - Mike Tyson style - is significantly weaker than he was last time out and full of his own self-importance, whereas we're kitted out with state-of-the-art killing machines and ready to roll.

Yet we don't hate them. We're liberating them. The Iraqis are cool, despite those Groucho mustaches.

No, its the French we hate, for trying to play the peacemonger. For telling the yanks to stick it. Normally we'd be out there picking on Starbucks, slagging off McDonalds and pouring the Budweiser down the drain along with the rest of Europe.

But now we're ignoring the Euro and caddying for the Bush man we've got to step in there with the froggie bashers. Not long back we were anti-French 'cos they were doing nuclear testing in the South Pacific and blowing up Greenpeace boats. Now we're Anti-French because they're bottling an easy scrap.

Hmm.

Sounds iffy to me.

Don't get me wrong. I've plenty of reasons to hate La Francaise.

Five terminal years of trying to get my head around French Grammar to achieve a Grade 5 CSE.

A nasty half hour stripping off in some Calais customs booth at 5am on my very first trip over.

William the Conqueror. Plastic Bertrand. Arsenal FC. Edith sodding Piaf. Eric bleedin' Cantona.

But then there's Stella Artois. French Mustard. Beaujolais Nouveau. Inspector Clouseau. Topless beaches. Paris art galleries, 'La Vien Rose', Beatrice Dalle, Emanuelle Beart, Isabel Adjani, Jeanne Moreau, Brigitte Bardot...Ah L'Amour...

Where was I?

Oh. Yes.

French bashing.

Sorry. Can't do it. To join in seems like pandering to the worst of petty American politicking. "We came over there and saved your neck during WW2 and this is how you repay us you ungrateful European bastards."

Because if Toniblair had cocked a snoot at his ignorant Yank counterpart we would very likely have gotten the same treatment. Half of the villains of Hollywood have a Brit villain anyway so it wouldn't have taken much to have faced the full brunt of American spite. As it is it's us Brits who are going to have to live with being the rest of the world's villain. We're the one's breaching international law and attacking without due provocation, hiding beneath the skirts of our big mate. That's no joke.

I've had a good laugh at the Anti-French jokes that have been emailed my way, but I just can't join in the fun. I'm having a hard time joining in this time. It just doesn't feel on the level.

I know. I'm from Yorkshire. I'm supposed to hate anyone with a poncy accent. Slack or what.

B

Big thanks to Steven Barnes for wake-up call. Too right. We we're slacking lately, and you all deserve better!